Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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