I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
