can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
