im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Randomize
