if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm too high and old for this...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
