There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
