don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
