would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
