I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
