got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
