Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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