what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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