actually, I'm a sock model
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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