It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
