Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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