We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
There's even glitter on my cock...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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