his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
