I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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