He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
