I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
