Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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