I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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