Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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