She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
