I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize
