I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
