So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
