I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
