she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
