I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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