ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
