you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize