My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
