Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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