I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
