shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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