Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
