dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
