FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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