You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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