I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
