Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
