You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
