i wish peter jackson would direct porn
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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