I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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