I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
