i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
