Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
