Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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