So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
