its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
