it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
