We should be called the Road Head Warriors
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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