We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
