You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i was born a porn star she said
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
