Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
