I'm eating all of the evidence.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
