My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
