i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he was CRYING into my vagina
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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