careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
