in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
