Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
