Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
