Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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