I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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