Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
