Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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