i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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