that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i came on her dog
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
